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All Types of Poetry - if you need a love poem, or want to be amused by a funny humourous poem or console your darker side with a depressing ode, then All types of poetry is the place for you pixel Shakespeares Sonnets - John Donne and William Wordsworth- Robert Browning  - all featured here PLUS love POems and Love poetry pixel
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All types of Poetry - if you need a love poem or be amused by a funny poem or disturb yourself with a dark depressing poem or read a classic poem or a  Shakespeare Sonnet  then All types of poetry is the right place for you pixel pixel pixel
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Welcome
Written by MV - All Types of Poetry Editor   


You can find here, poems categorised by the Poet, or by type e.g Love Poems or  Nature poems . So enjoy a Shakespeare Sonnet or two,  a lymeric by Edward Lear or some Fester Bryan ... Note on Copyright

 

Legging a Priblem by Broan Streater

I ligged prablem
Thats whet I dod,
Telephined in thin that was troublon'
Spake to yung moon in Dublig.
By thee und I washed I was deed.
I'd ordared a naw companent far thrae handred Earos.
Gane are tha uncamplicated doys of my earlior odd agg
Hare are slaghtly mare camplicated evanings off a secind wand.
The whaisperig wands tackle in my eat.
As I ear my compalsory radith.

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    Bijou Baby

    Bijou baby
    All blonde and ready for the start
    Of a brand new day
    What a way to start the day
    All togged up in your finery.

    What will you do
    Will you walk down the busy avenue
    With all the guys taking a double look
    Or will you sit in a pavement cafe
    Reading your book
    With you sunglasses on

    Bijou Baby
    Are you going to see a film tonight
    With a man in tweed
    Who buys you drinks and food
    You lucky girl

    Or is the world a difficult place
    Where things go wrong
    And bump, bump, bump, in the night
    Where your face screws up ina scream
    At the slightest thing
    And syndromes and allergies persist
    Beyond their rightful due

    Or are you in the third way
    Middle ground and safe as house in your world
    With the kitchen the palace of your Arabian Nights
    Occasional benders on white wine
    Mingle with the sounds of Most Haunted on Living TV
    Deary me
    Oh Deary me

    Across The Park by Fester Bryan

    Walk on the hypotenuse
    Saving time after the traffic lights.
    Across the spongy grass
    To maybe catch the king of the sideburns.
    The clerk with the drinker's nose
    Duffel coat and disappointed stare
    Walking past the tennis courts
    With the early morning women's doubles
    Chatting and laughing about some class they'd tried.
    Always a tinge of envy as you pass
    The twenty something who should have done better
    But who has ended up doing some job in the park.

    Ghosts in Lime by Lauren Beziers

    Ghosts in lime, for a cheesecake reverie.
    Creeping through their tenderness on chopped tip toes.
    Formidable no teeth targets, sucking in gummy darts.
    Strained in tea, and washed down with old ladies.

    Water Death by Lauren Beziers

    In the dark lake
    Where the woman died
    The fish grow big on slime
    And the trees bend over low.

    The hill's shadow casts its gloom,
    Gnats nip while the cow's graze
    The woman jumped in and did not get out
    Porceline and crimson blue on mottled white and grey.

    Place Yourself at my Disposal by Lauren Beziers

    Ravaged in the sunshine
    Blistered by the heat
    A dog on my lap and stiletto pierced
    Shama Shamuna whispers in my ear
    "Gravy for breakfast
    Cold beer for tea
    Lap dancers in my pocket
    Half Nelson on a best friend"

    Its Love at first sight with Shama Shamuna
    The lady of the night
    Afraid to step out onto her little balcony
    In case the turds roll in and cover her.

    In Thailand before the war on drugs
    The special forces plagued my life
    But Shama Shamuna lifted my spirits
    And I carried myself off to other climes
    Backward and upside down
    Across flattened hills of Opium.

    Shama Shamuna married me to a post
    Handcuffed me to my religious other half
    Knotted me into origami templates
    Brought me riches beyond belief
    Carted me off to the hospital when I spat out the blood of years
    Chose my favourite colour
    Signed my cheques
    Created a sauce a day with pasta and rice
    Opened the wine and beer
    Loved my Ho Chi Min jokey style.

    Radiator of boiler plate shinings
    Come back to me and radiate the heat of dogs
    Lower yourself into my world of worms
    Say goodbye to the tepid water of Highbury
    Sink into the shallow end of a childrens pool in Bognor
    Place yourself at my disposal.

    Social Attack at the Rear by Fester Bryan

    Acute angled black lines
    Speeding towards more concrete
    And sometimes ending in black ball
    Where the screams of a cartoon midget
    Replay over and over
    To an audience of backheads.
    The oohs and the aahs puncture the white noise
    As an owl swoops down into the jaws of a sad monster.

    Mirror town
    Where shards and old funny mirrors
    Are stuck together and placed next to skin promotions
    Is the place to be at christmas
    When the jingles and the jangles are reflected
    Vividly
    Men with the same old trilby rush home
    On the last day
    To stare at themselves in broken glass

    A Red Indian smokes the pipe of peace
    On a mini roundabout.
    Bursts of inner turmoil leak out of their mouths
    When they start to dance Le Rock
    But smiles soon start to appear
    When the taxman comes round
    And offers them free gin and guns.

    Holy Reindeer
    On all fours praying to the giant jukebox
    In the frozen purple cheesecake sky
    Stuffed with stuffed tomatoes and stuffed peppers
    Sated and full
    But empty in pocket
    Soon giving up religion for begging
    And back again to the yellow church
    For the Coffee mornings so decaffeinated
    Where Shirley organises them all into small groups

    Home again at quarter past nine
    Tucked up in bed at eleven
    Up in the morning at eight thirty sharp.
    Its the routine you see
    Its the way it goes
    Its the way the tummy rumbles

    Social attack at the rear
    Of the
    Social attack at the rear brigade
    Who are heading west on the
    Social attack at the rear highway to hell

    Trouble by Fester Bryan

    Trouble, Double
    Trouble Rubble
    Hubble Space Bubble

    Twice the problems I had Yesterday
    My back garden wall has given way
    And now as I stare into the infinite beyond
    I see NOTHING
    Not a thing
    Its all a black shroud with pinpricks

    Trouble Stubble
    Trouble Dub ill
    Pub'll frighten Gerbil

    Oh dear, I forgot to shave for
    The important meeting with the Execs
    Which was ruined because our Reggae man is sick
    He drank too much last night with his scared pet.

    Golden Razor by Lauren Beziers

    I would like to shave
    The smooth skin on my chin
    To make it even smoother
    So I shall
    And then Anya will say
    "You crazy cat !"
    "Shaving your smooth chin"
    Looking at me with hands on hips
    Expression like Minnie the Minx.

    Anya wears red and black sweaters,
    Cursed with a square chin,
    Delighted by spiders and mice.
    I cannot shave my smooth chin
    With her standing there
    And it seems pointless now
    As pointless as it really is,
    So I thank her from the bottom
    Of my bottom
    With a fart that clouds the air
    With the Fug of my bowels
    To inspire and fill her with wonderment
    At the diversity of smell
    In the immediate environment
    All adding to life's rich compost
    Charging our batteries
    So that we do not beep at regular intervals
    So high that no-one but the dogs can hear

    I think back to my pointless need
    To cut away nothing from my perfect jut
    Realising that I was given a Golden Razor for Christmas
    Cut oh cut away, slash and burn !
    Smoothy smooth
    Golden Razor Smooth
    Anya trumpets with her armpits
    Reaching a squealing and piercing crescendo
    La La La La Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
    The agony of too smooth.

    LB 2007

    Alphabet Meadow by Fester Bryan

    A B see me
    In the meadow with the flower
    D E have you any cheese ?
    To go with the white wine I've brought

    G H I have mustard
    And billowing rolls of beef
    J K hell is meat without horseradish
    Forget the food and lie a while

    M N Oh my god
    It's started to rain
    P Q are you going to go home now ?
    Or is just a summer shower

    S T you should stay and enjoy the meadow
    Forget the rain its only water
    V W aches and pains will disappear
    While the rain cloud passes over and away

    Y Z why not ?

    No Chance by Fester Bryan

    Slave to the rave trade
    Or is it the rough trade
    Off for power
    Against money
    Not knowing which way to turn
    It is the angular pyramid man
    Superhero of the nineteen nineties nights
    When oil and carving were in your hobby list
    Wrangled with myopic mothers in traffic jams
    When the kids dropped
    And your kitchen floor was coated with marbles
    Then the penny dropped
    Yet more dropped
    And then the castle creaked
    Fallen amongst the masonry you sheltered from the rain
    In a cloak of coal and misery guts united
    You spat out your last poem
    About Wall street and the chaffinches of greedy layby bungs
    Mama cannot help you now
    You are oblique
    No amount of opaqueness will rescue you now
    You have no chance
    The chance went with the penny that dropped
    When the bounce was minute and the marble rolled
    Triggering the drop into the cellar
    And the night time obsession with charcoal and rice
    Less said the less bled
    More talk more fork
    Let out the scream of the blind alley
    Charge the brigade
    Must make a fiver
    Must make a tenner
    Must multiply until the coffers are full of rancid blather

    Work and Play by Lauren Beziers

    Headache oh grossen farten
    Minehead and itchy sands
    Aeroplane and the churning round of sickness
    Mile high virus club

    Lost in the fuzzy clouds
    Of a brain diagram
    Organised by a company in Reading
    With a message about information overload

    Dripping down the stairs for coffee
    Stopping half way for water
    Do not ever get the lift
    Traipse up the endless flights to the end

    LB 2007

    The Swan by Lauren Beziers

    Deep down in the age of history,
    Where knights play and dragons fester,
    Calmly stands the frozen pond on which the eunuch swan sits
    Playing it's ocarina.
    Oh Boy ! and Jackie strewn banks,
    Just Seventeen ripped to shreds on a hedge,
    But the swan plays on.

    Arn's World by Lauren Beziers

    Arn's world is a spacial place
    Made of horse chestnut puree and retirement do's
    Where white linen and cheese straws compete near bowls of various fruits.

    Arn's World is seen from the bottom up
    Head against the clean wooden floor, with skirts and trousers a mainstay
    The runny nose leaking on a sore upper lip while the eyes water.

    Arn's World is taken away to a bright white coridoor
    Where the ceiling glides by and faces peer in
    Voices mutter and other peoples urgent business is conducted in earshot

    Arn's world is closed down in stages
    Like a bank of switches flipped off at the end of the day
    Musn't grumble, cannot grumble, off switch down, click.

    Beautiful America by Donald Fiedler

    The pink and white dogwood trees
    cross over each other's branches
    and space out against the clear blue sky
    One more day
    of war and destruction
    of mud and blood, rage and hysteria

    The sun radiates
    downward
    sending us a spark
    of peace and joy

    The highway is endless
    cars swivel and rattle endlessly
    Never to find a way home...

    The woods are dense and thick
    with glistening streams
    and magnificent trees
    ...unlike our world...
    filled with an endless array
    of stores and malls
    merchants and advertisers

    The woods are nice to go to once in
    a while
    The sparks are gratefully accepted

    The muddy, bloody road of death and decay
    had got to reach an end

    Soon...

    The Dragon and the Troll by Fester Bryan

    I slip away in a dream
    Floating upstream
    To the place I know so well
    The little cave with the little shells

    Gamboling, frolicking in the dark
    Skipping through the puddles
    Looking for god knows what
    In the dimly lit chamber

    Listen ! What noise is that ?
    Is that a lost goat or a Reindeer bleating ?
    I tiptoe further
    Brave as always
    But shaking !

    I fear the giant Troll
    I?m afraid of stumbling on a Dragon !
    With fiery breath or mouth of giant teeth
    These two disturb my dreams

    So I tiptoe towards the noise
    And turn the little corner
    To see A giant Dragon
    With a Troll on its back
    Oh deary me !

    Double up my fear
    I am scared now
    What do I do ?
    Turn and run ?

    Oh no not I !
    I face my final curtain
    And my cheeks light up in the dragons flame
    As I am engulfed by a giant mouth
    And gobbled up
    With the sound of a laughing Troll
    As the final sounds of my life

    Its all over now.

    Here I am in Naples by Esten Walker

    Here I am in Naples
    Stapled to the hotel door
    Drawing on my reserves
    Following the Single Malt
    Experience with Frank
    That stank of girls shampoo
    And Fruit and Veg.
    Staggering Gutterbound
    In search of my dead parents
    In a town they never visited
    In a country they visited once
    When they were quite young.
    Of course I will never find them here
    Or in the bottom of my empty glass
    But the crack continues
    And I cannot deny it has been fun
    Here in Naples
    Before in Rome With Petra and April
    Round And Round the Coliseum
    We go getting dizzy
    And before that in Athens
    Town of Acropolis and smog
    Still searching for the deadly pair
    Of pastel shaded, grey haired accident victims
    Mama, Papa, dance with me
    Across the shiny sea
    To where the moon and the spoon play timeless tunes
    And a cow you told me about
    Floats down a canal
    To a cheese market.
    I liked that cow, and although the cheese was rather bland
    (Edam)
    I liked to turn the page
    And see the next picture
    Colourful illustrations of deep beauty and innocence
    Dead parents stuck in my near haze
    Floating in jelly
    Getting further and further away
    Until POP !
    They disappear
    And all I have left is bits of jelly
    Which I smear on my face
    Laughing like a human hyena
    Who has caught an obese rabbit
    I never kept my locker tidy
    Sorry Mum
    Sorry Dad for spilling the glue
    On the new carpet
    But it is time to let go
    Relax
    Float
    Bob a bit
    Paddle gently
    And ??
    Snooze

    Regional Heats by Fester Bryan

    They had entered the regional heats
    Reginald and Blane
    The ladies offered coffee, and biscuits and hair.
    The regional heats were near Hereford
    A long way from the Oxfordshire Home
    So, a night out to remember for the large rats.
    They ventured into the nearest bar and stayed until closing.
    All had vanished by half past nine
    Save for Reginald and Blane
    Playing away on a sticky wicket.
    Reginald had the regional hots for Martha barmaid Mrs.
    Blane lied and told her that R was in Prison and out on day release.
    So Reginald retreated marsupial back into his pouch of many colours.
    Away day next day and the sun shone on the bald spot.
    The game was over in less than a speed chess.
    Martha was working again in the bar from over there.
    They popped in for a swift half a natters piss.
    Gold dripped from their pockets as their legs froze in a cool box.
    Reginald talked of the regional heats and the losing streaker.
    Much ado about bugger all.
    Love blossomed right there, and then, Oxfordshire in its entirety loomed up
    And spat its message loud and clear across Herefordshire.
    "Time for Home ! Time for Home"
    You pair of rapscalious rascals !
    Two men in a bow tie and boaters
    Limping down the chestnut drove
    Crossing the Marshmallow hedgerows
    In a desperate search for Old Music Hall gags.
    That they will never find.
    Daisy Daisy give me your answer do
    I'm crazy like a frog
    For You

    A Japanese Mid-Winter by Lauren Beziers

    Golden bears dripping in honey

    Paw Paw lick lick supper quick

    Chainsaw massacre in the nursery

    Dead doll carnage with the uplifted head

    Staring into space just as they ever did

    Just as they ever did.


    Sitting in the concrete jungle

    Eating the yoghurt that they said was good

    Chunky fruit caught in throat choke

    Projectile spitting at the lawyers

    Marching in quick time steps

    Staring like androids


    In the poor house with the old mum

    Worrying about little Jim

    In bed with a cough and fever

    Pale and weak and pathetic with limp hand raised

    Not likely to spring in one mighty leap

    With electric guitar and plectrum teeth


    All these things, alien and cold

    Snuffed with one firelighter and the coal,

    Non smokeless, polluting warmth,

    Enveloping the family in their box nest

    Lying in a painterly display

    In front of Tekeshi?s castle, enjoying a Japanese mid winter.

    Windswept but Globally Warm by Fester Bryan

    Windswept Isle
    Crashing waves around
    Dead fish abound
    In the Holy Grail of Holy Grails
    Munster and Newcastle
    Hove and Bracknell
    Occasional Twisters and
    Globally Warm disasters
    Give us 'ere a chance to bend an ear
    About the weather
    Glorious weather in all her glory
    Naked like the wind
    So that we can Shout
    And Shout again
    We love the changeble weather
    And we quite like the weather girl
    Who delivers the news in a comical stance
    With hands that lead us to her invisible page
    Of Typhoons and Hurricanes
    Edna and Brian
    Smashing small huts in far off lands
    While we stand
    On our cliff edge
    And cry
    Hello Weather
    Give us your worst you evil doer
    Because we forget the peircing sun and cancer rays
    Of youthful summer
    When the rocks are even placid
    And swimming is a delight
    Bognor to Brighton and Blackpool
    Sticks of rock and a pretty hat
    Vaguely chilly evenings in the pub garden
    With a hint of dew and sap rising up your shorts
    Oh weather
    What'll we do when you get out of hand ??

    Is This It ? by Lauren Beziers

    When I went to the rubbish tip
    To cavort with the seagulls fine
    I saw a young girl tarrying
    In a pink dress devine

    The cross to bear on that garbage heap
    Is the lost lottery ticket grim
    To stumble over putrid waste
    From homes and factories, to win.

    Muck and sick and nappies by the thousand score
    Its not a good place to play
    Nor to search for months on end
    When every day is a grey day grey.

    Riders on the Lawn by Fester Bryan

    In the twilight world
    Of caged animals in white rooms
    The door creaks
    And the Clock tocks
    With a resigned nod the porter sweeps
    And Big Brother Watches full time

    Out of the window we can see
    The tidy lawns of Mansion X
    The inmates preen themselves
    For two hours a day
    And eat their sandwiches of processed cheese
    Cross legged and chirping

    When the motorbikes arrive
    All look aghast
    As the lawn is churned up
    Tyres gouging the turf as wheels spin
    The riders on the lawn
    Have come to have a look

    Then they are away
    There is nothing for them here
    We are safe from their danger
    For another day
    So out comes the backgammon
    And the doctors notes are updated

    UK Holiday ideas for all the family at
    http://family-holiday.mirandasbeach.com/

    I've Been Away by Fester Bryan

    Did you miss me ?
    I've been away
    Away to Mandalay
    Not really

    I was gone though
    Metaphorically speaking
    In tongues
    So to speak

    I got lost in the jungle
    Of which it is very similar
    Sometimes
    And it makes me wonder

    On my roller skates
    Of joy,
    With my mission bells
    And Vicars collar.

    What was I doing in Heaven ?
    On roller skates ?
    When Old Fat Cat
    Had a roller and big cigar ?

    So anyway, I was away,
    On holiday in St Tropez,
    With the bikini bottoms
    And the bell boys.

    We would take to the Hills
    Every so often
    For a quiet thunderstorm or two
    Outside in the lost undergrowth.

    Veeny would come and drive me
    To the local town
    Where we'd sit under a green tree
    Reading Pigeon French

    Ah ! Formidable
    Est ce que tu connais ma mere ?
    The locals loved us
    And we liked the wine.

    So spirited away too soon
    I lamely got on a TGV and rerouted
    My backpack to the hapless coridoor
    And jiggered my way home.

    So here I am
    On your doorstep
    You do not seem that pleased
    Are you not going to welcome me in ?

    Do I have to bend double
    And peer between your legs ?
    Is your cat afraid of me ?
    Have you got a spare walking stick ?

    May I use your phone ?
    I want to speak with Veeny
    Who has a cheque for me
    He is in a local hostelry.

    Abused and Broken by Kara Sallee

    In sadness and sorrow I see the fight,
    I lay on my pillow and dream of you,
    Anger consumes my head throughout the night,
    I do wonder if you dream of me too.

    I await for my better days to come,
    A subtle crying seems to ease the pain,
    Inside I wait for my special someone,
    In lonely misery it is a gain.

    A world of pity will always follow,
    Seeing you now is my only token,
    It will be here like always tomorrow,
    As I do remain abused and broken,
    And follow me now depression and doom,
    As I lay on the floor in my sad tomb.

    Easy Now by Tom Shiner

    Easy now walking down the street
    In my Brown shoes and hat
    Easy now as I walk past the bin
    With a flick of my toes

    Easy now as am caught in a photograph
    With a tree of lime green
    And the more I turn into a clown
    The more fixed and static I become

    Easy now as my feet grow
    Easy now as I try to climb out of the photograph
    With both hands on the old white border
    I smile a clown?s smile

    Easy now as I enter the dark and dreadful world
    Of French mime
    With a scornful dance and a sideways smirk
    I disappear off stage left

    Easy now as I drink my Scotch
    In the dressing room.
    Blow into the bottle with a toot
    For my Mother

    Easy now as I reach into my pockets
    To produce some paper flowers
    Which makes me want to dive
    Into the watery paper

    Into a murky glossy magazine
    To join the city people with their city ways
    Eat right and walk across gardening tips
    To the lamppost surrounded with bright white

    Then getting smaller,
    To shrink to the full stop.
    The dot on the page of health tips
    For a lavender moment

    Stream of Nothing by Jasmine Bennett

    bog is a chain
    chain is a lamp
    lamp is a stream
    a stream of nothing

    under willow beach
    eternal flowers die
    sine will not thy
    if all is not lost

    bring me a pie
    oh bring me a pie
    to eat on the green
    watching the stream
    of nothing

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